Most women will tell you they abide by the “girl code”. You know, the code of moral guidelines that assure friends-forever status? There are many unspoken agreements, but the most commonly broken rule is chicks before dicks.
Sure, it all sounds good as shared by two single girls over a glass of wine. But in reality, not even the most heartfelt pinky promise can seal this deal. I will never let a man get between us. I’ll always pick you first. It is hard to doubt these vows when they are coming from your best friend. Unfortunately, it is blindness that leads to broken hearts and promises.
There is no better feeling than watching your single girlfriend get swept off her feet by a new love interest. You have spent months, years, waiting for the perfect man together. You have listened to all the bad date stories and picked up the pieces after all the break-ups. However, happiness is a double-edged sword. The inevitable disguises itself among the first few honeymoon weeks of the budding love affair. She might bail on a wine night or two because Mr. Right got off work early. Or maybe you notice a series of unanswered text messages beginning to develop. Regardless, you are still in the honeymoon phase yourself. You are simply happy that she is happy.
Before you know it, two months have passed and if they are indeed still together, then things are getting serious. Jealousy and loneliness begin to replace your pride and joy. You battle the two personalities within you:
You should be happy that she finally found someone.
He is ruining your friendship.
She is a little preoccupied, but she will come back around eventually. Just give it time.
You have officially been replaced. It is only going to get worse from here.
Which side is more logical? Which side states the truth? Your best friend finally found her person, but unfortunately she is still your person.
At this point, the question is not who will she choose, but rather what kind of person do you want to be? You have two choices:
1) You can confront her. Tell her that you miss your best friend. Basically, put her in a situation where she has to examine her priorities. This conversation has potential for success, but must be handled delicately. Depending on her level of attachment, she may become offended and see your honesty as selfishness. She may ask: “why can’t you just be happy for me?”. So approach this path with caution. With this choice, you risk losing her altogether.
2) You can accept things the way they are. No matter how strong of a bond you share, you simply cannot change people. Frankly, no friendship in the world can replace the emotional and physical benefits of being in a relationship. Yeah, I know. This choice sucks. But sharing her is sometimes easier than losing her.